Story of life
by Zerovk
Summary: This is a story for writers -first and foremost - , readers , and everyone out there . This.. Is a story of our deepest darkest secrets , our fears , our dark and good side . This .. Is a story of life .
1. Chapter 1

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 **It's not your fault :**

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Two young men , handsome and obviously out of an average girl's reach , sat in a cozy restaurant that overlooked a stunning view of the city below , the fact it was time to say goodbye to the sun made everything even more magical , if that was possible .

" Takuma . " one of them called , having noticed his company spacing out all of a sudden , a touch of something bitter flickering in his eyes , the twin emerald depths that usually shone with so much life and positivity . Of course Zero was smart enough to know , learn , that takuma wasn't as happy as he looked all the time , quite the opposite . But , he hadn't really seen it so close , so clear . He had never seen a joyful vibe change that much so fast . Which was why it came as no surprise when he found himself lowering the fork and finally asking

" What happened ? "

Someone could walk in right then right there and ask him what the hell he was doing grabbing a meal with a bloodsucker and he would have no idea how to respond . It was truly incredible how much could change as time passes by , how much maturing makes everything take a 360 degree turn . He and Takuma were not exactly enemies , they never were .. But he couldn't bring himself to think of the term ' friendship ' to describe whatever they had and damn even that made it sound like they had _something_ .

They weren't close friends , friends in general .. they weren't the same , not entirely . In fact , there was only one thing common between them , maybe two .. Long story short , their chemistry , yeah … that's the word he was looking for , was that complicated .

All he could he think of was how he and Takuma had gotten closer in a random and unpredictable manner .

One day it was just a word they spoke to each other but eventually , they found themselves meeting somewhere outside every once in a while , like today .

" What do you mean ? " Takuma's voice echoed about , making Zero blink and take a moment to collect his thoughts . He'd nearly forgotten what he'd asked to garner such question in return . Nearly .

" Something obviously spoiled your mood . " Zero pointed out , recalling how Takuma seemed to have been so much better at first . Was it because of him showing up 15 minutes later than agreed ? No way , right ? Well , yea , it wasn't often that one of them had to wait , because both of them were punctuate like that . So maybe having to wait when you became conditioned to the other party arriving in time , makes you lose your tolerance .. Maybe ..

Doesn't it make you want to pardon the other person though ?

The possibility raced in his brain so fast it could have taken no time at all . But no matter how fast it was or how perfectly hidden , a vampire would always catch more .

And catch Takuma did .

As if he could read the hunter's mind , a smile plastered itself on his face before he proceeded reassuring the said " Nothing , Zero . It's not your fault . "

It never was .

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 **A/N**

Hello to whoever ends up reading this . I know this is too short but it is a start nonetheless . And to be honest , the story won't have long chapters ( that way it would be light for both , you and I . ) The story itself won't be long either .

This idea came to me randomly a few days ago . It's not something I have planned to write or even thought of revealing . This story is going to deal with the many different types of personalities out there , the confident , the insecure , the in-between .

This story makes two promises , one intellectual and the other emotional . The former means that by the end of this story , you will think , you might have a different perspective of the world , while the latter means you will feel , you will relate to it .

I hope I meet the expectations of those two promises .

Xoxo Zerovk

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	2. Chapter 2

**Discouraged**

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The front door clicked open and inside walked in Takuma after having twisted and pulled the keys out , the jingle of it reverberating in the empty atmosphere .

With a sigh , he shuffled towards the living room , tossed the keys on the couch , and finally , took his shoes off , more like kicked .

The picture he painted negated the neat vampire he'd always been but well .. who cared ? Certainly not him .

Sinking deeper in that thought , he stood still for a while , spacing out and recalling why he'd gone out in the first place.

Oh right .. to meet Zero .. there was also the fact he thought it would work like magic for his mood and inspiration .

Scary , right ? How much he'd become obsessed with writing , to the point that he ended up encouraging himself to go out just in case he witnessed , heard , or felt something that could help him gain inspiration .

He chose that moment to flop down on the couch and let out a deep breath before lying down , resuming his thoughts .

Speaking of scary , he had no words to describe how much he hated himself for letting that recurring spike of jealousy spoil his mood at least once a day. The fact that Zero had noticed his dark mood did nothing to make him feel better .

It wasn't the hunter's fault for catching the change in Takuma's expression though .

 _It's mine , always have been and would seemingly stay that way for the end of time_ . _I just had to read that update while waiting for him_ . _It was astonishing how much his confidence flew out of the window and disappeared into thin air by the end of the chapter , just because of the author note_ . The writer of that story had expressed gratitude to some random user for giving them a certain idea , which made his heart skip a beat . And here he thought he was the one with privilege to know more about the story beforehands . It made no sense . He wasn't even that close with the author . But they weren't total strangers , they did interact outside the boundaries of the website where they publish their stories . Not that close , but not strangers either , the awkward middle . And yet he still managed to feel jealous and bitter .

Surprised ?

Well , don't be .

Takuma , like anyone out there , had his insecure moments too . In fact , they were fast taking over his life , becoming much more intense and widely spread with each passing day . It didn't matter what the issue was , chances are he would end up feeling that dark seed of envy slowly whispering a melody of shame , snatching his happiness away and turning it into something sinister , saddening , mind-numbing .

Jealousy had nothing to do with love in his case , simply because he wasn't in love with anyone . Instead , it had to do with every single aspect in his life , to the point he felt the urge to purify himself . He felt so bad , so dirty.

He would get jealous over his friendships , hell , he would feel that way too if he happened to find some random fellow writer being friendly with , expressing gratitude to , or praising someone else . He wanted to be special , to everyone he knew . He'd often been proven wrong , however .

He would mostly scold himself for thinking like that .. How could he ask for something he couldn't give ?

So far , many people had appeared in his life , some of them cared for him more than he did for them , he could feel it in the way they talked to or texted him.. On the other hand , there was those people that he'd gotten attached to without having the sentiment returned , or at least not the in same intensity . A third group existed too , the rarity , mutual connection , bond .

He shouldn't blame anyone .. The heart wants what it wants .

We don't choose who we get attached to , do we .. It's beyond our control , much the same as envy , the root of all evil , his want for appreciation , his jealousy over the love other people receive in the form of feedback .. He'd lost count of the times he felt discouraged reading stories of other people .

Sometimes , he would think ' it shouldn't dishearten me , on the contrary . It should give me the drive to improve ..

I should keep the positivity going .'

But words are just words .

Try as he may , he couldn't do that . He could never look at the bright side when his brain seemed to have been hardwired into being pessimistic since day one .

He'd often told himself that good things come to those wait , but as time passed by , he found himself doubting the credibility of such proverb.

Hope for the best , expect the worst ..

That one too he'd learned to disregard .

Life taught him a different lesson .

If you want peace of mind , expect nothing , not just the worst .

Never be a fool and believe that someone would care about you all the time . Anything can happen . People change … they'll come and go , and surprise you .. The term change of heart had been invented for a reason , after all . Feelings dwindle , falter , and eventually die , like everything else , including passion .

He would know .

Why , you may ask .

And the answer would be the amount of times he'd contemplated quitting .

Ironically , everytime he left an author note to his readers about it , he would feel bad , not for their sake but because he knew he couldn't live without writing . He'd almost given up so many times , only to recall how much it was not like him to do so . He was never the type to leave behind something unfinished . Besides ,he'd always been fond of the saying ' Work hard till you no longer have to introduce yourself . '

It would only be a matter of time before he was back to writing , forgetting all about his indefinite hiatus .

But the fact remained it had become so taxing for him , as of late . He'd felt overwhelmed more often than not . And thus , he'd come to the conclusion that if he wanted to stop feeling jealous then he had to do something about it , like trying to train himself not to feel that way or eliminating the reason behind it .

Maybe he should just accept his failure , embrace his depression , and stop forcing something that wasn't meant to be .

If he stopped being a writer , he'd have no reason to feel jealous , right ? He'd just be a reader . He wouldn't have to compare anything to his own works since he would have no such thing .

It was easier said than done and he already knew he wouldn't be able to stand it for long .. He'd be back to writing and publishing before he knew it . which made him wonder if he was , on some subconscious level , a masochist , breaking up with his passion and then going back to it . He didn't exactly find pleasure in harming himself though , it was just mental and emotional .

It was like falling in love with someone heartless but at the same time , irresistible . You know it's going to hurt like a bitch but you still do it , like those times he would allow his curiosity to lead the way .. He'd would end up checking out the heartwarming support other people get and then he'd think ' _I want that too '_ . Show me some love , please .

It made him wonder if he was cursed .

The whole dilemma put a strain on his entire existence . He was torn between two fires and often asked himself why .

Why did it affect him that much ?

Because his life revolved around writing .. He had no friends , not exactly , no job either , nothing to distract or give him a sense of fulfillment - other than writing -.

It was all he had .. And oh was it cruel to know it's the things you love the most that kill you .

Pathetic ..

Maybe.. But never malicious .

He'd never wanted those gifts to abandon the people he felt jealous of . No. He merely wished to have a luck as powerful as theirs .

Eventually , he'd learned to find consolation in the fact that God divides happiness on us evenly . It was Takuma's way of being positive and trying to look at the bright side , trying to read further , beyond the surface.

Maybe those people he envied had nothing good in their life except for that . He , despite his own problems , may be leading a better life , in general . Maybe that was God's way of compensating them .

Still , he didn't think he was asking for much .

" God ! " He exclaimed in frustration before darting his eyes around , quickly searching his mind for something to do , knowing fully well he may end up going insane otherwise .

Was he experiencing an existential crisis ?

Well , anyhow , he could try watching the TV but he already knew he wouldn't find anything interesting enough to keep him engaged . He could try reading , there were lots of fics to check out . But he wasn't in the mood to , for one , he was lazy , two , fear of getting discouraged , three , feeling overwhelmed with the amount of updates he **needed** to check out . He liked to believe it had to with psychology . When the mind starts classifying something as an obligation , it makes you feel reluctant to approach it . finally , he could try to write . problem was he didn't have any sort of inspiration for that . To make it worse , it felt like he'd long lost his touch ..

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" What's wrong ? You seem down . Well , knowing you , it's nothing unusual .. But you know how much of a considerate twin I am , hence why I ask . "

Ichiru had been drawing in peace when he sensed a certain presence nearby before the doorbell rang . He hadn't expected to have Zero visit him but he wasn't that surprised either . While it was true that both of them lived separately because of the different preferences they had (one preferred a noisy district - unlike the other- ) , Zero still kept a habit of visiting him every now and then . They didn't share the most normal relationship out there but at least they weren't trying to kill each other any more . Instead , most of the time they spent provoking each other and talking in riddles . Zero had neither forgotten nor forgiven what ichiru had done . He'd wronged him and their parents .. Treason was the only word he could think of when Ichiru crossed his mind . And yet he couldn't , for the life of him , summon any true hatred towards his twin . He'd hated Ichiru's deeds .. In the past he used to think he hated him , wanted to , but he couldn't . Which was why he ended up seeking him , wanting to ensure his well-being and hiding that desire beneath an act of detachment .

After giving his brother a dirty look , Zero felt his eyebrows shoot up and found himself taking a deep breath before shaking his head and retorting " Stop being a bastard for once . And for your information , this time in particular , it's not about me . I met Takuma about an hour ago and he wasn't in the best of moods . Those things are contagious . "

Ichiru remained on the chair , lifted his eyebrows and nodded , giving his twin a look that spoke volumes of how impressed he was to hear that .

" You are spending a lot of time with him recently , you know . I'm not complaining but I'm also sure you don't want a repeat of what had happened between you an- " He pointed out in a flat tone , swirling the pen around his fingers like a pro , his gaze fixated on the said until Zero gave a look that made him go silent .

It wasn't a glare , just a meaningful look that somehow managed to stop Ichiru from completing his sentence .

Well , it probably wasn't a good idea to bring that up .

Subdued , Ichiru resorted to drumming his fingers against the table , reprimanding himself for caring . So What if that idiot of a brother ended up getting deeply involved with yet another noble ? It was none of his business . Besides , Zero needn't such an advice , especially not from him .

It felt like forever until the elder spoke up and broke the silence .

" Why do you even bother making those ? Too much work , if you ask me . " He said while gazing at the screentone on the table , along with the scattered sketches .

A woeful chuckle left Ichiru's mouth at that .

" Well , Zero , there's only one thing I could thank my miserable childhood for .. You know what ? It's patience . I have learned to occupy myself with activities I don't have to get out of bed to perform . "

The mention of their childhood had not been an accident .. He wanted to remind Zero , to cause him pain . And he got what he wanted , minus a verbal response .

When it was obvious that Zero would not be saying a single word any time any soon , Ichiru found himself asking " Why do you write ? Are you passionate about writing or is it just an escape ? "

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	3. Chapter 3

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By the time Zero got back home , it was almost eight at night . Too early to sleep .. But he had nothing better to do . Besides , he wanted the day to come to an end already . Too much thinking for one day .

His time with Takuma had not exactly been a success , and his time with Ichiru was no more successful . And yea , he meant 'good' .

" Asshole . " He whispered as he flung a hand on his face , having dropped on bed , staring at the ceiling until he started recalling the events of the day , especially his twin's last question .

Growling , he stood up and stomped his way to the windows , pulled the curtains apart and felt his nose flaring as he tried to calm down , draw all the negative energy he stored throughout the day from inside his core and change it into positive under the beauty of stars that sparkled against the navy blanket .

When he deluded himself into believing it had worked out , he retreated back to bed after dimming the lights and playing a music -box melody that would , hopefully , help him get some much needed sleep .

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Takuma was about ready to snap , call it a day , and proceed with his plan of sleeping for 24 hours straight , when he felt something inside of him disapproving , harshly , throbbing with the urge that he should wait .

So he waited and waited . . . and waited , until finally , he sensed **him** nearby .

Beaming up , Takuma rushed to make himself look presentable as much as he could before clumsily picking up any clothes on the couch , or well , the floor , anything that was not where it belonged and quickly throwing them in his room , in the closet .

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Despite having told Yuki he would not accept her invitation for a gathering of everyone they both knew and that she shouldn't expect him , Zero found himself standing in a far corner in the said female's house , attending the soiree , alone , until a certain someone decided to accompany him .

" Yuki is really something else , ha ? I knew you'd be here even though you said you wouldn't . " By the way she said it , Yori seemed to be enjoying his torment so much . He was not going to humor her by giving a response though , instead , he opted to staying still and displaying a poker face that , unfortunately , seemed to be amusing to her even more , if that was possible .

Before he could say anything , however , he nearly rolled his eyes as soon as he sensed a certain aura approaching them .

Of course .. He should have expected that much .

" Kiryuu-kun , how's your wound ? please tell me you didn't earn yourself another . "

The familiar voice caught Yori's attention , forcing her gaze to the left , where Hanabusa was walking in their direction.

Zero , on the other hand , gave the noble a certain look , the kind that screamed ' _Are you serious ? you were the one to heal it . Besides , you know that the tablets work for me now which means I can heal by myself . Of course it healed . You just want an excuse to be a part of this conversation , for an obvious reason_. '

None of the three knew how but somewhere down the line , Hanabusa mentioned how he could never sleep with a single light on , no matter how dim .

" It runs in the family , as it seems . " Zero said in a low tone as he averted his gaze elsewhere , not exactly aware of what it had meant for him to say such thing in public . No one seemed to hear it though . The genius of a noble was so busy paying attention to Yori to notice anything else . It didn't help that at the same time Zero said that , Yori exclaimed with a reply of her own , saying she could never sleep with the room being pitch black , seemingly not noticing it either .

It was then that Yuki called for Yori and when that happened , Hanabusa quickly found it boring to stay in that corner . Don't get him wrong , he was starting to get along with Kiryuu and all , but it didn't mean he enjoyed his nonverbal company for more than that . Seriously , he was not obsessed with the guy . He did find it in him to look at the hunter for the person he was rather than an ex-human who should be grateful to Lord kaname instead of baring his fangs at him . But that was it . Still , there was always that outsider's perspective believing otherwise . It was more than just getting along .

As he watched Hanabusa's retreating figure , Zero pursed his lips to the side , thinking that someone was hopelessly in love . But he shouldn't be one to talk now , should he . After all , he was just as hopeless , if not more .

Well , whatever . He turned around , planning to get something to drink , when he saw **her**.

It was mostly a vampire party Yuki held , so it wasn't of any surprise that he would be surrounded by the nobles , the night class . And he wasn't . It's just the fact that Ruka was looking at him , of all people , that confused and astonished Zero beyond belief .

It didn't show on his face of course , but it was there , further growing when she got closer and spoke up .

" How do you know that ? "

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A/N

 **1033 words updated 26 feb , 2018**

Hey , I'm back with the new chapter ! Yay ! faster than expected , yay ! I hope you enjoyed this teasing chapter .

What question did Ichiru ask Zero ? was it the one I ended the last chapter with ? or perhaps , another one ?

Who do you think visited Takuma ?

A flashback will answer that .

How would Zero and Ruka's convo escalate ?

What are your expectations for the next chapter ? what can you imagine happening ?

Or

what would you wish to see happening ?

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Xoxo Zerovk

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	4. Chapter 4

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" How did you know that ? "

Ruka's voice was everything she's always been , ladylike and graceful , only difference was the amount of genuine emotions radiating from her .

Zero would have gotten amused at that , if he wasn't too busy panicking over what to say . He had to make up an excuse or something ! But what ? He'd never been a good liar . Actually , he'd never been good at leading conversations , especially with women .

Before he could blurt anything out though , Ruka spoke up once more . His expression must have urged her to elaborate .

" Akatsuki is a very private person . I don't see how that kind of information could pop up in a talk with you , of all people . So how did you know ? "

Zero parted his lips to give an answer when someone flung an arm around his shoulder , effectively halting his actions and interrupting the moment .

" Ooh . What a sight to behold ! "

Ichiru exclaimed in a playful timbre , having been astonished when he caught a glimpse of his brother standing and seemingly conversing with Ruka Souen .

What an odd pair , right ?

He couldn't help getting involved , for more than one reason . But that's a story for another time .

In any case , his emerging seemed to have disturbed Ruka , for some reason .

" Souen-san , I didn't know you liked my introvert brother's company . But I'm glad he's getting over Yuki-san and willing to spend his time with another girl . "

The next thing that he knew was being glared at by both of them before Zero snatched himself away from the suffocating hold and shook his head at his insufferable brat of a brother .

" Do you ever think before you act , idiot ? "

Ichiru simply grinned at that , as if he meant to provoke him even more , which he , unfortunately , succeeded in .

Zero wasn't angry because of Ichiru's words , just annoyed . He knew his twin was being his usual teasing self and all , but it still bothered him to some extent .

Because it wasn't a serious statement , he wasn't about to get worked up about it , justifying his unusual presence with Souen .

Speaking of the noble , at first , she was just mildly curious . But after she'd asked how he knew , Kiryuu blinked in response and narrowed his eyebrows , as if confused . She could tell , however , that he knew exactly what she was talking about . He was just pretending he had no idea . She could feel her curiosity skyrocketing at that alone .

It didn't help lessen her suspicions when the other Kiryuu made his appearance , out of the blue . It was too accurate to be a coincidence . Something fishy was going on , Ruka had no doubt .

Seriously ! Those twins were up to something and she was going to find out what .

True to her word , or well , thought , Ruka gave a smile that screamed she understood very well that no one in their right mind would think it possible for her and Zero Kiryuu to be romantically acquainted . She also knew that Ichiru might have been trying to draw her attention away from his brother .

" The only interest I have in your brother has to do with my cousins . You wouldn't happen to know , would you ? "

Well , that wasn't a complete lie . The full truth , however , was the fact Kiryuu held so much more interest because of his special existence to the kurans .. But Ruka wasn't just about to acknowledge that .

" Wait.. Wait . Is this , perhaps , an interrogation ? " Putting on a comical expression , feigning ignorance or innocence , Ichiru questioned in an overly exaggerated tone . Imagine that ! Not just exaggerated , but overly so . that's incredibly telling .

Zero looked like he wanted to frown but he schooled his expression and instead , voiced " Ichiru , do us all a favour and go stuff your face in that overgrown bush outside . "

As expected , Ichiru widened his eyes , like the drama-queen he was , and stood there , frozen place , feeling oh so terribly offended and heartbroken that he had to hear that from his precious onii-san !

Seeing as how he finished dealing with one issue , Zero proceeded tackling the other .

" Souen-san , I just now realized what you meant earlier . To answer your question , Ichiru and I have once had the honor of experiencing a sleepover with Kuran's inner circle , males only - needless to say - . You'd be surprised how much we ended up knowing about each other because of that one night . "

Ruka could only narrow her eyes at such words , easily ignoring the obvious sarcasm emphasised in there . If that was true , then .. The Kiryuu twins must have known a lot about the most significant male nobles and vice versa .

Well , that certainly explained how they would learn of each other's sleeping habits . Still , a nagging voice kept telling her there was more than meets the eye . If only she knew how right she was .

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From a distance , a certain pureblood kept a watchful eye on Zero . Her mind , however , was focused on yet another pureblood .

At least , that was the case until she saw Yori approaching Zero , shortly followed by Aidou .

Before she knew it , she was already calling for Yori , unconsciously hoping she'd be drawing **his** attention to her by doing so . She was proven wrong when he didn't react to her voice , not even in the slightest .

" Yuki-chan , I'm starting to think you'd rather have someone else standing next to you now . " Yori playfully scolded when she noticed her friend spacing out and saying nothing even though she was one to ask for her presence .

" Eh ? Oh ! That's not it . And hey , that should be my line . You looked like you were enjoying yourself so much earlier with you know who . " Yuki returned the favour with equal playfulness , referring to Aidou and smirking when she saw her best friend blushing ever so imperceptibly .

Thankfully , that managed to work , for now . Yori seemed to take the bait , going with the flow that Yuki had forced on her , shifting the topic like that .

It might have not been a wise move , but Yuki wasn't in the mood to talk about that topic . She took a U turn , running away from her fears , something she had become rather experienced in , not to brag .

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Unbeknownst to her , Someone was watching Yuki the same way she was watching Zero not so long ago .

She did know he was among the guests but she had no idea he was gazing at her , not to mention quite intently .

Kaname stood by the curved railing in the balcony , bathed in the darkness he thought he belonged to , watching the party progress from afar .

Frankly speaking , he was that close to phoning Yuki and telling her he wouldn't be able to show up for the soiree , or at least not for the most of it . But he couldn't . He decided not to go through with that . He didn't want her to interpret his absence as a deliberate one , meant to guilt or pressure her into choosing him .

A part of him wanted to be selfish and claim her his . But another part , considerably larger , firmly believed he'd had enough happiness . It was time for Yuki to live under the light , the way she was always meant to . But for that to happen , he had to eliminate every threat possible .. He had to protect her and make amends .

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The morning that followed , Yuki woke up and thought it was a good idea to show up at Zero's apartment , abuse the doorbell , shock him awake , and drag him along with her for an early breakfast . And yea .. by early , he meant 9 in the 'human' morning . If he was left to his own devices , he'd be eating around 11 o'clock .

In any case , it's because of her that both of them were now sitting in a vintage themed cafe , contently waiting for the food , at least on Yuki's part .

Zero , on the other hand , was busy taking his half bad mood out on her , by studying those coffee brown locks and burnt-wood eyes .

A thought occurred to him when his gaze landed on her defined lips though .

The darker the lipstick , the more likely it's being used to cover up an emotional turmoil .

He would know . After all , his mother was one to reveal that secret to him .

Back then , when he was a child , he would tip toe and watch with rapt attention as his mother sat in front of the mirror , painting her lips with a small brush dipped in a cherry color she called rouge . That wasn't the only shade , but it definitely was the most common . Red .

Back to the present though .. Yuki was never into red lipstick . She preferred dusty pink and peach colors . So why did she decide to wear that deep red shade today ?

Maybe she wanted to distract herself from thinking about Kuran , and by extension , him . She wanted to prove a point to herself , without even realizing it .

Maybe somewhere inside her brain , she was doing the same thing his mother had told him about .

If you would use the term ' dare ' to describe a woman's look , chances are she's not in the best psychological state .

There are exceptions , of course . But at that moment , Zero knew one thing. His mother's quote applied to Yuki .

He studied her more .

She was distressed , that much he could tell , without her having to utter a single word about it . And really , it wasn't that difficult to guess the reason why . In fact , it was the easiest thing in the world , to the point that a simple name could answer it .

Kuran Kaname .

Zero didn't know if he should be feeling grateful or miserable because of that .

Spending time with Yuki as though they were having a date was great . But he wasn't about to fool himself and think it wasn't thanks to Kuran that Yuki found the courage to face him . Could it even be called courage ? Zero honestly had no idea ..

He just knew one thing , Yuki was going to keep him waiting .

It's been a while since she moved in her new flat , kept a distance from both of them and all , but that didn't change the fact she'd once left with Kuran when he awakened her .

It was partly Zero's fault for pushing her away , stating he'd be killing her the next time they met . But .. He had his reasons , okay . Imagine finding out that the girl you fell in love with was all along the very thing you hate the most . What kind of person would he have been if he disregarded that and chose to keep on loving her any ways ? A hypocrite blinded by love ..

People would argue that right now he was being a hypocrite , so what difference did it make ? He should have just accepted her from the start .. Maybe .. Maybe he should have .. But he couldn't , not when he was that overwhelmed and young .

Yes , young . His mentality hadn't had time to mature back then . He was stuck in the phase of thinking that all bloodsuckers were bad . He was hung up over the past . But all of that had changed , including his perspective .

Vampires can be good , just like how humans can be .

He wasn't necessarily all for vampires now .. but at least , he'd learned to be civil with and look at them for who they are , individually .

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It was some time around the afternoon when Zero arrived back home .

After he finished eating with Yuki , having enjoyed the time he spent with her , they both bid each other goodbye and left the cafe , never forgetting their plans for the rest of the day .

As for the hunter , he went to buy grocery for dinner and then headed back home .

He dropped the bags in the kitchen and took a deep breath before making his way to the fridge and getting a bottle of water out .

He took another one that sat atop the counter , to balance the temperature .

Once he was peacefully sitting in the living room , he took the lid off and drank , closing his eyes , loving the cold sensation it sent in his throat .

When he was finally sated , he reclined further into the couch and fished his cellphone out of his pocket , frowning when he realized that Takuma had yet to text him back .

The blonde male wasn't there in the party , as odd as it may seem . In fact , Zero hadn't heard a thing about him ever since the last time they met .

He honestly thought he was going to see him in Yuki's soiree . It was some time after his conversation with Souen that he realized Takuma was nowhere to be seen . Zero had texted him and waited for a response which he never got .

What was wrong with Takuma ?

Could he perhaps be in need of some time alone , away from people ?

Well , it was a possibility . Takuma has always been a social person .. It has to be tiring being cheerful and friendly all the time .. Well , maybe he should just wait .. It's not like the noble would commit suicide or something ..

Right ?

Oh dear .. Zero couldn't believe himself . What the hell was he doing worrying so much over someone he just recently got familiar with ?!

" God.. I need to turn off everything , including my brain . I need to be somewhere quiet . Actually , I need to sleep … Only problem is I know I wouldn't be getting any . " Grumbling faintly , Zero slapped a hand over his forehead and exhaled deeply before shutting his eyes , hoping for the darkness to lull him into a much needed nap .

He was goddamn tired he honestly thought it would take no time for sleep to claim him … But of course , he wouldn't be Zero Kiryuu if bad luck spared him , would he .

In the end , he decided to give it a try , only to face a failure he expected - knowing his luck - .

What result did he get ?

Nothing satisfying , mock sleep at its finest . He had his eyes closed and all , but he was painfully aware of his surroundings .

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For the next couple of days , Zero made a habit of texting Takuma , something he wasn't used to , especially because they mostly interacted once a week for their scheduled outing , according to their free time .

Aside from trying to reach a certain noble who had gone missing in action , Zero spent his day at home , cleaning , resting , eating , drinking , and reading until sunset . that's when he decided to try checking the television for something decent .

He'd ended up watching " The devil wears prada . "

If anyone dared to judge him , he'd put a bullet between their eyes . He'd always loved Anne Hathaway ! Sue him ! Emily blunt was so pretty too . he couldn't imagine anyone else playing her role . In fact , the whole cast was perfect !

Man .. Nothing can beat those good old days .

Speaking of old , he was in the mood for Beethoven .

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The rest of the evening went by slowly and uneventfully .

Zero was in the middle of making himself something to drink when his keen senses alerted him to something .

Could it be ?

Moonlight sonata was playing in the background when the doorbell rang , solidifying his earlier assumption , if he could call it so .

He wouldn't exactly say his guess was right , because he could sense it .

There was no mistaking it , no room for confusion .

However , he still doubted his own senses because he honestly didn't expect Takuma to pay him a visit .

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Praying to whatever power existed above that he looked presentable , Zero rushed to answer the door , something he noticed to be a natural reaction of his .

He'd always been fast when it came to responding , to anything , be it the phone or the door .

".. Glad to see you alive . " Zero mocked after he swayed the door open and stepped aside to allow the noble inside .

Takuma chuckled at that , going along with the joke and expressing his utmost gratitude towards the silverette .

It didn't take long before they both occupied the living room and had a small talk until Zero remembered the water he'd boiled just before Takuma rang the doorbell .

" Oh ! By the way , I was making myself a hot drink , would you like some latte ? Or coffee ? Or tea ? I have quite the variety . "

Zero's hospitality didn't receive a warm welcome , though not in a serious or rude sense .

Takuma insisted the hunter didn't have to treat him like a guest , because he wasn't , unless Zero himself considered him so .

That's how a certain silverette lost the argument before it had a chance to start .

The atmosphere was peaceful and warm until a distant voice started blaring in the recesses of his mind , warning him that something was off . But he brushed it away as a result of overthinking , sleep deprivation, and stress . He felt a tingle in his stomach make itself known but he still kept ignoring his instincts until it was too late .

Takuma came back with their drinks on a tray few minutes later , complimenting the place as he handed Zero his latte before sitting across , enjoying a sip of his flavoured tea .

The hunter barely finished half of his drink when the room started swimming before his eyes . His vision raced , taking less than a second to swipe over the room and settle on the carpeted floor that he collided with , the impact of the fall making his head throb even more , if that was possible .

Before he knew it , he was coughing the life out of himself , literally .

All he could see was masses of red .. That's when he realized he was in fact coughing up blood clots .

In the middle of the whole mess , stood Takuma , watching the scene with a morbid gleam tainting his otherwise tranquil and reassuring eyes .

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A/N

. I have a feeling I just confused you guys..

Any ways , I did proofread this but there still might be some cunning typos out there , or mistakes or whatever , words missing or the opposite . If you happen to run into any of those , please inform the nearest officer . Jk . Inform me though .

Updated 12:44 am 5 march .

I really should be going to bed .. I should have been sleeping hours earlier but this chapter provoked me into working on it .

Any ways ! Hope you enjoyed this .

Would love to hear your thoughts ~

Xoxo Zerovk


	5. Chapter 5

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Zero may have not been aware of it but he tried to stand the moment he felt something was wrong with him , only to feel his head pounding . He couldn't fathom why .

His grip on the mug loosened , causing it to slip and crash to million pieces that he promptly fell on top of before he started coughing up blood .

He didn't even register the pain of splinters digging in his flesh , for he was far too numb to process anything past the heavy fog taking over his senses .

The only thing he felt , vividly , was how his heartbeat accelerated so much he could do nothing but panic under a thick veil that obscured his consciousness .

Something was burning his throat and entire being . Before he had a chance to wonder what , his eyes rolled to the back of his head and soon enough , a world of black engulfed him whole , promising never to leave him alone .

An echo of silence ensued , hailing on the room like a traumatized lover having difficulty believing their eyes .

The same could not be said about Takuma who stood and watched , as if he were in the theater , too engaged and focused on the scene that should have satisfied his hunger . It did . A voice , so faint it could have been a figment of his imagination , whispered , determined to convince him not to regret any of it .. Much to his horror , he needn't much help to reach such depths of cruelty .

It didn't take much persuasion .. He'd expected himself to feel a twinge of remorse , concern , or at least fear of getting caught red handed . But all he felt was nothing , just an empty sense of .. something that sat right on the border between satisfaction and lack thereof .

Instead of guilt , he regarded the pool of crimson enveloping Kiryuu with not an ounce of consideration , rather an abundant reserve of apathy .

Such was the sight greeting Kuran Kaname , rendering him speechless , robbing him of words .

It was some time during the evening that he decided to visit a certain silverette . The feeling began as what he would call an explicable urge . He just knew he wanted to talk with the hunter , why and about what , he had no idea ..To confess his crime , perhaps .. or to confront him about Yuki , to wish him luck and say something along the lines of ' May the better man win over ' . But he found himself harshly disapproving such idea . Yuki was not a game , never was and never will . That minute detail had been significant and beside the point at the same time .

In the end , he decided it mattered not why he wanted to meet the hunter . The issue was the fact he wanted at all .

He'd tried to curb the urge but in vain , and soon enough he found himself making peace with the notion of paying Kiryuu a visit , put delicately .

Gaining access to the address had not been difficult , far from it actually , for Kaname had already instructed Seiren to keep him updated with every single development involving the people he knew , just in case .

When he'd parked his car in front of Kiryuu's apartment building , however , Kaname noticed something .

Kiryuu was not alone ..

The pureblood wasn't exactly surprised to sense Takuma's presence up there , seeing as how he already knew of the odd familiarity blooming between those two as of late . What he found astonishing was the fact he felt something akin to disappointment once he realised he wouldn't be able to talk to Kiryuu privately .

But he prefered not to think much of it and instead , made to leave , when he sensed it . Blood , Kiryuu's to be exact . .. Maybe it's a minor papercut or something , he told himself .. When the scent of blood did nothing but grow heavier , showing no signs of stopping , he started to feel alarmed .

Acting up on the desire to find what was going on , he rushed out of the car and inside the building , all the while formulating different scenarios . Could they have gotten attacked ?

But if that was the case then why was it only Kiryuu's blood being shed ?

Besides , he couldn't sense any threat around , not a level E or even A , nothing in between either .

Though of course a pureblood might have been masking their aura .

Well , there was only one way to find out.

He just hoped it wasn't time for **that** .

The answer he got himself was far from his earlier predictions , the farthest possible actually . In fact , nonexistent , because he'd never expected that .

As soon as he pushed the front door open , employing a sliver of his pureblood power in the process , he found his gaze darting from left to right , trying to get used to the arrangement of the place .

When he took a step forward then turned left , he was in for a total shock . It would be an understatement to describe it as such , however.

Takuma was safe and sound , which Kaname found to be a relief until his eyes landed on a familiar figure lying on the floor , still and possibly lifeless .

He waited , feeling somewhat paralysed and disconnected , expecting Takuma - who had yet to notice his appearance - to do something other than standing there and watching .

Takuma.. Why wasn't **he** moving a muscle to check up on Kiryuu ? Why was **he** left unscathed and Kiryuu as good as dead ?

The notion of Takuma being the one responsible for Kiryuu's condition did not cross Kaname's mind , not even for a fleeting moment . At least that was the case until he decided to take a step closer , his shoes clacking against the marble tiles and snapping a certain noble out of his daze .

Kaname's eyebrows twitched and knitted while his eyes narrowed at first before going wide once realisation dawned on him .

Confusion was what he'd first felt , then it got mixed with disbelief , which soon morphed into full blown disappointment .

" What-What have you done ? Why ? " the words left his mouth the same way a strand of silk would tickle exposed skin - A placid , for now , reflection of the chaos erupting in his mind - .

" Kaname .. "

Takuma spun around , startled and panic-stricken , calling the name with a great deal of difficulty , feeling uncertain and flustered .

What was Kaname doing here , not to mention at such timing ?

How the hell was he supposed to explain this ?

What was Kaname thinking now ? Certainly nothing bad..right ? He must be feeling grateful , right ?

If only Takuma knew how wrong he was to assume that .

" Your odd connection with Kiryuu had been a mystery to me from the start and I have always thought it was Kiryuu trying to get closer to you so he could find dirt on me to influence Yuki's perceptions .. But you just proved me wrong .." Kaname spoke up with a fair amount of disbelief dominating his tone and expression altogether . He couldn't begin to comprehend everything taking place .. The fact that Takuma was one to attempt getting closer to Kiryuu with ulterior motives involved ..

And the hilarity of the century goes to the fact he was defending Kiryuu against Takuma , not Aido or Ruka .

How ?

" How could you ? "

Kaname questioned with a blank face as he walked past the noble and sank to the floor besides Kiryuu , about to check his pulse , when Takuma dropped the bomb .

" I cannot believe you are blaming me for hurting someone whose life you have intentionally ruined a long time ago . "

Kaname's eyebrows shot up , for the first time ever . ( The farthest they'd ever gone was a little imperceptible rise . )

He couldn't believe Takuma had the audacity to talk back to a pureblood , to him , of all people , and in such circumstances , no less ! Takuma should be feeling ashamed of himself , wanting to make his existence as faint as possible , not boldly retort back .

Besides , Kaname hadn't confessed to have freed Shizuka just so Takuma could take it all and shove it in his face in the first opportunity .

The hell happened to him ?

Kaname had gone to visit him a few days ago , before Yuki's party , hoping to finally relieve himself of the guilt , the gaping wound he'd brought upon himself the moment he thought of helping Shizuka out of prison . He was so broken and tired of carrying that burden ..He wanted to share it with someone and he foolishly thought Takuma deserved to be that person !

He wanted someone to reprimand him for what he'd done .. And he did get what he wanted , like he always had , but only for a moment .. Takuma had grabbed his shoulders and shaken him , stating the truth of what a cruel gamble it had been .. But his admonition , disbelief , and condemnation didn't get to last , because of the pain he saw in those incredibly honest russet eyes .

That night , Kaname had felt something off with Takuma but he never knew just how critical the situation was and how right his instincts had been . And now he wished he'd listened to his distant irrational fears .

Provoked and livid , Kaname shifted his head to the side and remained like that for a while , clearly finding it difficult to believe the whole situation . Takuma had to have been manipulated .. Kaname refused to believe that someone like Takuma could have the darkness to do such thing .

Clinging to that theory , Kaname rose to his feet and proceeded returning the favour tenfold " Do not come close to thinking whatever you just did has anything in common with my deeds . That's not to say I regard my actions highly . I know what I had done , but at least , I didn't betray Kiryuu's trust in me . "

It may have been just him but Kaname caught a flinch in the noble's form when he said that .Good ..

" Can you say the same , Takuma ? "

Kaname challenged rhetorically , knowing very well that whatever nonsense Takuma would say in response to that would have no meaning . He still hadn't a clue why the blonde would do such thing . Would a reason matter or make any difference ? Kaname doubted .

His mood darkened and poured in the look he gave Takuma . Kaname knew he had lots of excuses to justify the sin he'd committed , the way he offered Yuki a shield at the expense of other people's lives .. Shattered was an innocent family , all because of his desperate want to protect the one person he treasured after spending so much time in solitude and despair . What he had done , no matter how much some people romanticise it , would always be shameful and no amount of justification could change that . He may have been frustrated , helpless , desperate , and running out of time , but another solution might have existed . He should have looked for it ..

If only he could turn back the time .. If only ..

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2056 words

updated 7 march , 2018 .

Best regards

Zerovk

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	6. Chapter 6

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After spending so much time listening to the distinct sound of Kiryuu's life dwindling away like smoke of an extinguished fire , Kaname found himself getting increasingly depressed as he realized the extent to which he'd gotten used to it . The dreadful sound of the heart monitor echoing in the background shaped a part of his daily life now , if not all of it .

The walls of the hospital room , the smell of sanitizers , and just everything around him inspired an all too familiar ache to take roots in his own heart and grow with each passing day .

It's been three months already since he walked in on that tragedy .

The doctor's words still reverberate in his mind with clarity so painful he couldn't stop himself from recalling them .

 _..We've done all we can .. But , I'm afraid the rest depends on his own will . It's a miracle he's in a coma and not dead already ._

At the memory , Kaname brought a hand to his face and let out a deep sigh heavy with resignation . The hand dropped and settled around his mouth , covering it , showing how much he felt at loss and worn out .

If someone could take a look inside his brain now , they wouldn't find a pretty sight greeting them . His heart wasn't faring much better itself ..

The past three months have been anything but peaceful , slowly robbing the life out of him , to the point he didn't know even know where he stood anymore . Not his superior intellect and not his contradicting heart were enough to explain any of the madness that had transpired as of late .

Perhaps , him staying by Kiryuu's side , barely getting any rest , was the most mind-boggling fact of all , even if no one except for a select few knew about it .

" I wish I could say what you are feeling is misplaced guilt . " Said a familiar voice .

Kaname couldn't help but scoff , the action coming out more of a chuckle that hid behind it thousand of words . His hand slid from his face and gracefully made contact with the armrest before he lifted it up again , running his fingers through his silken locks in a manner that spoke of absolute supremacy .

He could have retorted back but he was above engaging in such conversation and arguing that just because he said nothing once did not guarantee he wouldn't in the future .

Besides , he wasn't the type to waste his breath when it would change nothing . He acknowledged that what was done cannot be undone .

What good would come out of him telling the truth ? It wasn't going to bring Kiryuu back to the land of living .. That didn't sound right… But at the same time , it did .

If anyone deserved to know then it was Kiryuu himself .

Things were , in the least of terms , complicated as it was .. If Yuki or Ichiru were to know…

God!

That was one train of thought he didn't want to explore at the moment . But Takuma's presence made it impossible not to think of that night and the consequences it brought about .

No matter how much time passed by , Kaname couldn't help feeling furious every time he recalled it . His whole being was on fire as the scene replayed itself before his eyes as if he was reliving that ugly night .

 _Even though he wanted to deny it till the last moment , he knew that Takuma had done that to Zero ._

 _" What exactly have you done to him ? " Kaname demanded in a low tone as he eyed the blood on the floor mixed with two other scents he recognised but feared to confirm one of which. Still , he had to know what the problem was so he could solve it ._

 _Proceeding to shift Kiryuu's body as carefully as possible , Kaname grimaced when he realized he'd have to decide between keeping a large piece of glass lodged in the silverette's thigh or pulling it out … The former would make the blood flow out from yet another injury .. He couldn't afford to do that . It didn't help lessen his worries when a gut feeling told him it would be futile to give Kiryuu his blood ._

 _Takuma , on the other hand , made no effort to respond , out of tenacity , or indifference , or whatever ..kaname had no idea . One thing he knew for certain , his patience was running thin ._

 _" TAKUMA , I asked you a question ! " Kaname snapped , raising his voice and lacing it with an ample amount of power , demanding complete obedience ._

 _That seemed to do the trick . Takuma gasped softly and took a step backwards , eyes widened and lips parted , the first signs of shame carving themselves on his face as though the full gravity of the situation had just sunk in his head ._

 _" .. I " He stuttered and darted his eyes around , feeling awfully anxious as he reached for his pocket and got something out ._

 _Kaname narrowed his eyes and followed the movement , scrutinizing the source of that crinkling ._

 _Takuma squeezed his hands around the object to stop them from shaking , and remained like that for as long as he could before hesitantly stepping closer , fear consuming him as he handed it to the pureblood ._

 _Kaname's confusion cleared away and morphed into horror ._

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She watched those droplets as they fell and rippled the surface of still water , playing the most serene of symphonies , the most hypnotising as well .

Maria blinked multiple times , knees bent and hands wrapped loosely around them .

She'd hoped a warm shower would take her mind off thinking about him , Zero Kiryuu … But it proved futile .

It's been exactly three months .. A voice from within told her another three would pass by without him waking up .

How sad of a truth ..

She never liked or forgave him for causing Ichiru so much pain .. But it was only a matter of time before she realized she couldn't really hate him , Ichiru's other half . She couldn't hate a part of him .. Zero's coma had further supported that conclusion . She couldn't say the news made her derive any sort of joy or satisfaction .. And if she did , she would be lying .

It's only after she decided to face her feelings that she found herself inside the bathroom , filling the bathtub with water and eventually getting in there , hoping she could drown her worries , submerge them so deep they wouldn't have any chance of arising .. Ever sgain .. In the end , she didn't get what she wanted

Despite the water already turning cold , Maria couldn't be bothered to get out . She probably would have stayed like that for an hour or two if it weren't for the fact her senses picked up on a certain aura nearby .

She stiffened , no longer leaning on the wall , and jolted out of the water , contemplating if she was hallucinating .

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Having scurried her way to put on the bathrobe she'd hung on the door handle , Maria dashed through her apartment , almost tripping on her own feet once and her surroundings a handful of times . Gladly , she'd managed to make it to the door without a single bruise .

She swayed the door open , chest heaving as she traveled her gaze all over his deflated form .

Ichiru lifted his head up and met her gaze , eyes distant and expression lost , before speaking up " .. I'm not known for being chivalrous or having good intentions .. But..For the first time in what feels like forever , I'm going to be honest .. "

She felt her breath getting stuck in her throat at that .

" Kurenai , I haven't a clue what it is I feel right now . I don't know if I want your company because of who you are , or if it's just because I feel terribly alone .. Or.. Maybe I see her in you .. "

Her eyes softened even more , if that was possible , as she nodded in understanding and abandoned her spot by the entrance , swiftly reaching forward and taking him in her embrace . His eyes barely widened , not because he'd seen it coming .. No .. He was far too gone to be able to express himself or even register what her actions meant or how it would affect him .

Things didn't stay that way for long , however . Before he knew it , all of his conflicted emotions , his agony , gathered in his eyes and he was already reciprocating , wrapping his arms around her waist and nearly crushing her under his weight .

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1488 + words

Updated 11 march , 2018 .

 **A/N**

I don't know if it's clear by now or not but well , every male character portrays a different type of writer , ranging from story writers to songwriters , to poets .. etc . Also , everyone in this story has depression or mental problems , with varying degrees . So It is by no means a cheerful read , not something one would turn to if they feel like lifting up their spirits … But it's still something I wanted to write .

Uncertain News :

When I started writing this , I had already planned for it to be my last .. until further notice .

At best , I'll be going in a very long indefinite hiatus ( writing-wise ) and at worst , I won't be coming back at all , for many reasons .

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Xoxo Zerovk

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	7. Chapter 7

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Whenever life became too stressful ,

Yuki would end up in her safe haven , alone , surrounded by musical pieces and water . And her thoughts , of course .

It would be a terrible understatement , however , to use the term " stressed " to describe her state in the past three months . Probably because she wasn't .

Actually , she was .

When people feel depressed , stress often accompanies it , right ?

Those two conditions have always been used interchangeably , like some star-crossed inseparable lovers or something..

Isn't it amazing ? How a person's mental and emotional state affect their physical one ?

We underestimate sadness and overthinking , even though a tiny amount of them could be deadly over the days . Without us noticing , they creep their way towards our soul and begin corrupting it . Grievously , by the time we realize that something is wrong , the damage would have already taken roots in our bodies , morphing into tangible proof , targeting our physical health .

Maybe none of that made sense , but Yuki firmly believed it did .

An affair . they have an affair ! Stress and depression . Such was the conclusion she'd reached , quite proudly , she'd argue .

Still , there exists a crucial difference between stressed Yuki and depressed Yuki . The former would distract herself and vent some anger by dancing underwater while listening to Mon Amour , for instance . The latter , on the other hand , had no mind , energy , or heart to do any of that .

Which takes us back to square one , where Yuki is found sprawled on the glass floor of her studio , knowing that a simple push of her finger is the only thing separating her from dropping into the water below .

She closes her eyes for a meditating moment , focusing on the way her chest heaved up and down in a uniform fashion , a certain melody playing in her ears , whispering words of temptation , taking her by the hands until she was sitting upright , thinking of nothing but that song .

 _Bang_

 _Bang_

 _He shot me down ._

 _Bang_

 _Bang_

 _I hit the ground_

 _Bang_

 _Bang_

 _That awful sound_

 _Bang_

 _Bang_

 _My baby shot me down ._

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Ruka didn't know why but here she was , standing in front of the door leading to a certain dance studio .

Actually , she knew .

They never got along . Ruka has always felt jealous of Yuki , bitter even . And yet , she was expected to help the pureblood princess get accustomed to the vampire society , to teach her how to be a lady according to their world .

In fact , it was thanks to her that Yuki developed such an interest in ballet dancing , something Ruka has always been in love with but never seemed to consider growing in . The irony ..

It's been a long time since they last spoke up to each other or had any sort of interaction , privately . Which was only natural . They weren't friends . Ruka had no intention of spending more time than was necessary with her rival .. Even though such term made no sense anymore . Yuki had long won and Ruka had long lost . There was nothing to be rivals for .

It has always been like that , she realized . It was a truth staring her right at the face but she still deluded herself into believing otherwise ..

When Yuki Cross changed into Yuki Kuran , however , Ruka acknowledged , reluctantly , that it was never going to work .. She had no chance , for real . The person Yuki had always thought to be out of her reach was in fact hers , all along ..

That's why , as soon as she finished her tutoring duty , Ruka kept a safe distance from the Kurans . Nonetheless , she never stopped caring for him , Kaname-sama ..

In the safety of her own mind , she would always omit the honorific though . It made him feel closer , way closer than he actually was ..

That's when she realized he'd always been out of **her** reach .

Infatuation ? Unrequited Love ? Obsession ? A crush ? The infamous pureblood allure ?

It mattered not what name her feelings had , she knew one thing , they ran so deep that even after so much time had passed , she truly prayed for his happiness , even if it meant letting go , even when she knew that Yuki wouldn't bring him any with that half heart of hers . Everyone knew the girl was torn between two men , indecisive and lost , the thing that killed the three of them .

Ruka felt like frowning in disgust whenever she thought of that , until she realized how similar her situation was , torn between a cousin and a pureblood ..

Afterwards , the distance kept stretching between her and the Kurans , especially the pureblood princess , for obvious reasons .

It would have stayed that way too , were it not for the unforeseen tragedy of one Zero Kiryuu collapsing in the comfort of his own house !

Leaning on the wall , Ruka couldn't help sighing at that .

It seemed like no one she knew was happy .. Such a depressing truth ..

Her face wrinkled in grief as she closed her eyes and inhaled , finding it difficult to even do that . It was like all of her bottled up emotions had gathered and settled in her throat , vowing to make something as simple as breathing a far fetched dream .

God.. You know you are doomed when you come up with such an analogy .

Deciding it was about time she stopped stalling , Ruka took a deep breath , pulled away , and proceeded to knock , blinking twice when the door moved a little at the contact .

Was it perhaps unlocked and left ajar too ?

She moved her palm against the door , eyebrows shooting up when it did yield to her force .

She almost wanted to make a big deal out of it but then she realized the logic behind such action . Even if someone was to barge inside , Yuki -as a pureblood- would be more than capable of handling the situation . Besides , she probably wasn't in the mood to worry about an open door . In fact , she couldn't be bothered with it .

Ruka felt her lips curl into a sympathetic smile at that .

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When sitting on the chair became too uncomfortable , Kaname would abandon it in favour of the couch placed few steps away from the bed where Kiryuu lay asleep .

The pureblood flopped down , a heavy sigh escaping his lips , before bending forward , his elbows pressed on his thighs . Something crinkled as he did that , making him frown , wondering what it was .

It didn't take long for his knitted eyebrows to relax when realization dawned on him .

He found himself straightening , reclining further into the cozy cushions , having seemingly reached his limit .

He brought his head upwards and gazed at the plain white ceiling , asking himself why he kept that thing .

The answer came in the form of a flashback to that night when it all started .

 _Takuma had handed him something , presumably the source of that sound ._

 _His guess had been right ._

 _An empty foil blister strip ._

 _Confused so as to how that should answer the question he'd asked , Kaname turned the foil around and swiped his gaze all over the words printed there . That's when his expression changed into absolute horror ._

 _Takuma had planned it all !_

 _Warfarin , a rodenticide prescribed to humans as a blood thinner - or more accurately , a coagulant . - Some people are born with problems in their clotting system , hence the need to regulate it . If a clot stops the flow of blood to vital organs , it could be deadly . But at the same time , clotting could be very important , in case of injury . When blood gathers to form a clot around a wound , it helps protect it from outside infections and also stops the bleeding ._

 _That's the tricky part . Blood thinners do not differentiate between normal and abnormal clotting . They end up preventing both the good and bad with the added risk of uncontrollable bleeding ._

 _It doesn't stop there , Takuma didn't stop there ._

 _He coupled that venom with aspirin , a low dose of which could cause intestinal bleeding ._

 _What does all of that mean ?_

 _Well , put simply , you have a case of internal bleeding that cannot be stopped ._

 _Kaname had one word to describe that . Twisted ._

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Why was he even watching over Kiryuu ?

Kaname didn't have a plausible answer for that .. But he supposed it must have had to do with Yuki .

Kiryuu has always meant alot to her . she valued his happiness as if it was her own .. And Kaname could never take that away from her , his precious sunshine .

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Few hours later witnessed Kaname abandoning the couch , like he did with the chair , and making his way towards the table across the bed , pouring himself a glass of water , mind left in a state of total despair .

Pursing his lips , he slammed a hand on the said table , eventually drumming his fingers against it , before shaking his head and exhaling , deciding he needed a quick meal .

He spared the blood tablets resting atop the marble a brief look , not knowing why he was taking so damn long to reach forward and take two pills out .

It just seemed like everything was moving in slow motion as of late . there was no need to rush when nothing much changed .. Three months.. Three goddamn months !

Grabbing the glass with more force than was necessary , Kaname took a moment to calm himself down before he spun on his heels , running his gaze all over the room , almost gasping at the sight greeting his now widened eyes .

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A/N

Updated Wednesday , 14 march .

I dearly hope there are no typos or missing words or whatever .

In case you haven't heard the song , check it out , Dua lipa bang bang .

That's the ver I love the most . actually , that's how I first knew it . I'm addicted !

This chappie is dedicated to WeirdBlackCat for reasons I will not disclose ~ :P

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Xoxo Zerovk

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	8. Chapter 8

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Darkness greeted Ruka as soon as she stepped a foot inside the studio .It didn't take long for her eyes to get accustomed to the dim light of the place , however , which had a blue-lilac undertone to it , reminding her of indigo . Somehow , it generally gave off a reddish feel .

Not knowing whether that particular detail had been intentional or not , Ruka made her way to the center of the room where a certain pureblood seemed to think it was ideal to lie down .

Deciding it was highly possible for the color choice to be on purpose , the noble took another step closer and stood still , the sound of her heels providing a certain warmth , filling the void as she waited and watched .

Yuki must have noticed her presence ,in the back of her mind at least , even if being nonchalant shaped most of her state at the moment .

Ruka could understand that . She might have done the same , after all , if their roles were reversed .

Silence reigned the atmosphere until she heard the distinct voice of Yuki echoe in the room .

 _Now he's gone , I dunno why ._

Yuki paused after letting that out , as if she was doubting the credibility of what she'd just claimed . She knew why .

Her words hung in the air , heavily , making Ruka frown for a brief moment until she realized something .

A song ?

 _And till this day I sometimes cry ._

Something inside her broke hearing that . It gave meaning and emotional depth to the previous line . Ruka felt a cold chill run up her spine at that , the kind she'd long gotten used to whenever she thought of whom she truly loved .

 _He didn't even say goodbye ._

Her eyebrows furrowed at the half-hearted manner Yuki sang with .

It reminded her of someone drunk , but oh not on alcohol .

The fact Yuki believed there was no longer a chance of Kiryuu waking up made Ruka feel immense displeasure .She knew such were the lyrics of the song and only that , but it felt as if Yuki firmly believed whatever she sang .

 _He didn't take the time to lie ._

Emphasizing 'time ' , Yuki shook her head and finished the sentence with a broken whisper .

Once more , silence crept about the room , almost suffocating its occupants . As much as she wanted to , Ruka didn't feel brave enough to interrupt such quality .

Luckily , she didn't have to stay in that dilemma for long .

It was yuki that broke the ice .

" You know .. Three months ago I had once contemplated choosing Zero over Kaname because of time .. When my brother awakened me , I knew the luxury of time has been and would always be something out of Zero's reach , a stark contrast to my and Kaname's case . If life had been simple .. If I could just go to Kaname and tell him of my decision without hurting his feelings , I would have . Too bad that's not how it works .. Imagine if I told him something along the lines of how I have no words to describe how much I care for and selfishly want both of them .. Zero could die any moment without ever knowing what happiness feels like , what being loved is . But now that I think of it , if both of them had the curse of immortality , I would have still been torn between the two of them . It seems like such would be the outcome no matter what .. If I still had a human life span though , would it have been any different ? I wonder .. Too often , I wish I was never born . "

Ruka bit her lips , eventually letting out a prolonged sigh , before she felt her legs lead her next to the pureblood where she sat down and stayed quiet , but not for long .

" I remember a time I would have agreed with you .. "

'Not anymore' went by unspoken but very clear .

And that was all she needed to say for Yuki to burst into tears .

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He was in no condition to be able to tell apart the different sounds or scents surrounding him but that didn't make them nonexistent .

Every single sound or voice he heard , every scent , every cold breeze passing by , had - together - formed an incoherent mess in his subconscious mind - memories , dreams , and whatever lies in between - .

 _" Wish ..could..what ..are .. misplaced.."_

A series of disjointed words that , alone , gave no comprehensible meaning .

 _" Why ..you .. Zero ?_ "

" _Escape ? "_

 _" Yuki..something.. Right ?_

 _I ..you'd..even though..said.. weren't .."_

The ..darker the Lipstick ..

 _"I'm not a guest , Zero ._ "

That line in particular seemed to have triggered something in his brain , breathing life into it .

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Maria has always dreamt of the day she'd be sleeping next to Ichiru and waking up beside him . But the fact such dream came with a price , a heavy one , did very little to make her feel genuinely satisfied .

She brushed a hand on his delicate features , skin touching skin and strands of gold in its lightest shade . The morning sunlight of a new day gave his figure a warm amber hue and something else she couldn't remember finding whenever she studied him , peaceful serenity .

Thinking back , he wasn't to blame for that . Life barely gave him a break .

He'd been put to test ever since birth .. And well , with what had happened months ago , the pain he'd patched up all those years came undone in a matter of seconds .

He may have become more powerful than his childhood days but the fact remained he was but a mortal .

The trauma he ended up experiencing the moment he heard the news and saw it with his very own eyes had damaged more than she or anyone could fix .

That's when she realized , heartbreak and immunity were so much alike .

People who are so careful not to catch diseases or get infected are the most prone to have weak immunity , as unthinkable as it may sound .

When you think of it , the same applies to emotional pain . A person that has never been through disappointment or heartbreak doesn't fare well as compared to someone who endured it multiple times .

Maria's hand stilled .

Ichiru's health was deteriorating , again .

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Yuki rushed her way through the hallway of the hospital , feeling her heartbeat accelerate and wobble with anxiety the closer she got to her destination .

She'd been blissfully unaware of anything , deep asleep after having exhausted herself the night before just thinking of her emotions and the future , when the telephone rang , startling her awake .

It had been Kaname on the other line , giving her a massive shock early in the morning . She didn't bother to get changed and before she knew it , she was already seated in the first cab she caught a glimpse of .

She could feel the sound of her steps throbbing in her head like a hammer the same way she was almost certain her heart would stop right then and there . Adrenaline was such a cruel thing . Still , she tried to regulate her breath and heartbeat as much as she could .

But even after her efforts to stay calm , everything stopped for her the moment she swayed the door open and landed her gaze on him .

Confused so as to what exactly she felt upon confirming Kaname's words , Yuki walked inside in slow hesitant steps that spoke volumes of relief hiding under layers of doubt . She truly couldn't believe her eyes .

" Zero ! "

Exclaiming , Yuki rushed to the bed and sat on it , wasting no time to hold his hands in hers , eyes moistening and lips curling into a grateful smile .

" I was so worried ! I thought… I thought you were never going to wake up . " Her words came out muffled , for she couldn't utter anything without sniffing . God ! She dearly hoped no flood of tears intended to follow suit .

Crying was not on her list that morning , but how could she not ?

Zero had finally came back ! Nothing could describe how elated she felt at that .

" How are you fee- "

A chuckle , so out of place and uncharacteristic , escaped Zero's mouth , halting Yuki before she could finish her sentence .

It didn't sound like that of joy ..

Yuki blinked a couple of times , trying to decipher what he meant ..

It almost felt like .. Like how you would laugh at a silly joke . Which made no sense ..

What.. ?

A gut feeling told her something was wrong , terribly so .

Flustered and on the verge of panicking , she loosened her hold on his hands and furrowed her eyebrows , head moving to the left and above so she could meet her brother's gaze , probably waiting for an explanation of sorts .

What she didn't expect was him locking eye-contact for a moment before tearing his gaze away , as if he'd known such thing would happen and feared it .

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	9. Chapter 9

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Yuki had never felt so careworn before . Her eyebrows were still knitted together , expression troubled , stained with different emotions , none of which belonged to the positive side of the wheel . She felt them all clogging her throat , pooling all the way down and settling in her stomach , twisting it like a wet cloth .

She felt nauseous just thinking of what she was going to hear once alone with him .

It's with great effort that she swallowed past that dreadful feeling threatening to overwhelm her and silently followed Kaname out of the room , doing as told .

When they were finally a safe distance away from prying ears , he stopped , forcing her to mirror him , and turned around so they were face to face .

Yuki's eyes never left his , studying every sentiment he had to offer , but most importantly searching them for answers , for the truth .

If only she knew how much she'd come to regret learning of it ..

Her chin trembled as she waited , feeling the seconds turning into minutes and those to eternity when in fact , it had only been a few seconds before Kaname found it in him to speak .

" Kiryuu's brain had gotten severely damaged , the part responsible for emotions and behaviour , in particular.. " He trailed off , no longer bearing to look her straight in the eye . He'd already known what kind of expression she would be giving him hearing that . And he didn't want to see it . Imagining her eyes go wide with shock and darkening in pain was more than enough .

Yuki blinked , the crease between her eyebrows smoothing in disbelief .

Wh..what was that supposed to mean ?

" I.. I'm not following . What damage ? "

The lump came back , with vengeance .

Kaname sighed in response , and having expected her to ask , he allowed a more simplified version of Kiryuu's condition to leave his mouth .

" He might feel a certain emotion quickly and intensely but with very little lasting effect or he might experience extreme mood swings.. It's also possible that he ends up having sudden episodes of laughing or crying . But that wouldn't necessarily have to do with his feelings . Put simply , he might cry without feeling sad or laugh without being happy.. That's why his emotions might not match the situation ..You saw it for yourself . He ended up chuckling even though you were worried about him , something he would not normally be doing . "

Yuki blanched .

The world had no colors , not anymore . Instead , it had become a terrifying place , somewhere she didn't want to belong .

It had to be a nightmare . No .. No.. She'd rather he stays in a coma than wake up to endure such fate .

How long would it take for life to scar him before it was finally satisfied ?

Did he even know about his condition ?

Her lips parted but nothing came out , at first .

" Are you saying we lost him ? "

She couldn't begin to comprehend it .

Zero..

He was no more ?

A guilty look was all she got in response , plunging her entire being into rage .

There was more ?

" Kaname ? " She'd asked while shaking her head , pleading him not to say what she feared , even though it was already obvious he was going to do just that .

" The doctor examined him last night .. Kiryuu couldn't move beyond a twitch , because the messages sent from and to his brain have been distorted and will get worse . "

At some point , he wouldn't be able to smile or frown , his facial muscles wouldn't function properly to send the message . Eventually , his heart would stop beating too . There was no telling when . Kaname preferred to keep that much to himself for now . It was bad enough he had to be the bearer of the bad news .

Yuki , on the other hand , forgot how to breathe . Her chest constricted to the point she felt physical pain grab hold of it for longer than she could tolerate.

" No..No.. You are lying . "

Her voice came out a whimper , sporadic and barely audible .

Kaname squeezed his eyes shut at that , face scrunched up in shared pain , only snapping them open when she lunged forward and pulled his shirt in her direction , gazing at him with tears in her eyes .

" Kaname , what happened that night ? I tolerated not knowing anything all this time because of the shock and only that . But I can't take it anymore . Tell me what happened . You know , you always do . I know that very well . "

Her grip around his shirt shook as she demanded , feeling her cheeks sting and heart lurch until she broke down , completely , for the first time in three months .

" Please tell me you didn't .. "

Having reached her limit , she slackened , buried her face in his clothes , and whispered in the most desperate voice rationally possible , legs nearly giving out under the pressure , the weight crushing her entirety.

Kaname felt a scald in his throat when she said that . It hurt more than anything to have her doubt and even confront him about it but he supposed she had a right . He gave her no reason to trust him when it came to Kiryuu , after all . That didn't make it hurt any less though , as opposed to what he believed .

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	10. Chapter 10

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Maria left her bedroom to answer the door , stopping in her tracks to cast a glance at Ichiru , urging him to follow her outside . It was him that Yuki wanted to talk to , after all .

Speaking of which , Maria prayed to whatever had power above that Yuki had no bad news to relay , walked to the front door , and swayed it open , opting for a nod and a weak smile that Yuki returned with as much grace as the situation allowed .

Maria proceeded inviting her in , wasting no time to lead the way , clearly not wanting to prolong her own presence in the dark cloud that seemed to accompany Yuki's arrival .

It didn't take long before they reached the living room where Yuki sat in front of Ichiru , busying herself with questions about his well being . She couldn't just get to the point without warning . Even if the reason behind her visit was already obvious , she needed some time , for what exactly , she had no idea .. To think of what she was going to say and how , maybe ..

" I'll be in my room . If you need anything , don't hesitate to ask . " Maria offered , already making her way deeper in the house , as if she'd noticed Yuki's discomfort and wanted to help ease it a little .

Anyone may think it rude of her to leave a guest like that when in fact , she had been very courteous , choosing to give those two their privacy , no matter how little .

She would be able to hear their conversation of course , but at least , she wouldn't be physically present , which would definitely make it easier for them .

Yuki smiled at that , thanking the other pureblood and watching her figure grow further away , the act announcing her alone with Ichiru .

When she could no longer keep her gaze fixated on the empty hallway , Yuki struggled to breathe , slowly moving her eyes about , eventually meeting a pair of scrutinising violet ones .

She still had no idea how she was going to tell him what should been good news but was far from that , until she realised she could start with such .

" As I previously mentioned on phone , I have something to tell you .. You must have already guessed it has to do with Zero . " Hands crossed together and resting on her lap , Yuki stalled , her gaze unconsciously avoiding his .

Alarmed and anxious but deciding to wait and not jump to conclusions , he merely nodded , not trusting his voice .

" He's back .. He's..no longer in a coma .. but .. " At that point , she couldn't find the strength to talk . Her eyes moistened and throat constricted , the mention of that topic serving as a monster , dragging her back to the first time she heard of it , suffocating her beyond belief .

She took a moment to shake her head and try to calm down , feeling understandably overwhelmed .

Ichiru's patience was running thin , however .

" But what ? " He'd asked in a hurried tone that didn't match his frosty mask and relaxed posture . If Yuki were giving him half of her attention though , she would have noticed that even the way he sat down could only be described as tense . She needn't , however . She could literally taste his rising concern without having to look at his face , which made her job that much more taxing .

She kept her voice flat , or at least tried to .

" He's emotionally unstable and .. His movements are almost nonexistent . I saw him this morning .. I had been so grateful and relieved until he chuckled , interrupting my words . He met my worries with a chuckle , Ichiru .. It couldn't get any worse was what I had first thought when I found out .. Alas , the worst has yet to come .. "

Yuki trailed off , reliving that moment Kaname disclosed everything to her .

Ichiru deserved to know the whole truth . Inwardly repeating that over and over again , Yuki braced herself for the impending storm .

It looked like he was about to say something but she quickly spoke up once more , preferring to deal with it like one would with pain . If she had the right to choose , she'd always pick instant death over a slow painful one .

" As much as it pains me to say this , the one behind our suffering the past three months and Zero's from now onwards , is Takuma . "

Ichiru remained silent until she said that . He kept staring at her for a split second , eventually letting out a scoff , shaking his head , having gathered all of the disbelief and contempt he felt at that moment in one simple accusation .

" I can't believe you are ready to go as far as blaming Ichijo for what Kuran had obviously committed . Though maybe it shouldn't come as a surprise . After all , a dog would always be eager to take the blame in place of its master . "

Yuki's nose flared . She could understand Ichiru's disbelief concerning Takuma's shameful deeds but she definitely wasn't going to tolerate his words . Kaname had nothing to do with that awful night . In fact , if it weren't for him , Zero would have died on the spot . But of course no one was going to believe that .

They have always been rivals for her affections , and enemies by nature . Everyone knew that . She would not openly say it but she too had suspected Kaname to be involved until she drank his blood .

" I saw it with my own eyes , in Kaname's memories . "

In a flash , she found herself back in that moment , crying and shaking in his embrace , feeling a thousand different emotion racing against each other , wanting victory , seeking after the prize that was her state of being .

Thinking back , she had a hard time believing the crime she'd accused . It must have hurt .. How cruel of her .. And yet , instead of snapping , Kaname only ever held her tighter , trying to comfort her , promising everything was going to be okay .

He brought her face closer to his neck and , for the first time , offered her the truth , no schemes , no deception , no lies , no sugarcoating . She would never forget the amount of confusion , disappointment , rage , and grief she felt afterwards . She'd staggered about , eyes distant and head muddled .. She would have dropped to her knees if it weren't for him pulling her to his chest and leaning against the wall until he could no longer carry their burden combined . They slid down the wall , in each other's arms , hearts heavy for reasons not different but not identical either .

The setting shifted back to Maria's house , making Yuki blink and shake her head , as if it would chase away those horrid flashbacks .

It didn't seem like she'd gotten a response yet though .

Ichiru still looked doubtful , probably refusing to accept it . So what if she saw it in Kuran's memories . It didn't mean anything . She could be lying or manipulated . Who knows , he wouldn't be surprised if Kuran had the power to fabricate even that .

" Why should I believe you ? "

Yuki no longer felt offended by Ichiru's words . A smile carved itself on her face before she gave him an answer

" Aren't you forgetting something ? It's true that I care for Kaname so much , but your brother is just as important to me . I would never let anyone get away with hurting him . "

Ichiru stayed quiet , studying her for a while , searching those reddish brown orbs for honesty and feeling subdued when he found no traces of a lie in there .

" If what you are saying is true then I think it's safe to assume you are keeping him locked up in a dungeon . "

Yuki said nothing , her gaze leaving his and eventually falling , eyelids meeting , slow and heavy , in resigned confirmation .

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" Zero wouldn't have wanted this ! " Maria exclaimed as she watched Ichiru put on his coat , getting ready to go out . Yuki had offered sending her chauffeur to pick him up whenever he wanted to see Zero who she had gotten permission to discharge under the condition of providing him with medical care . She'd also told him he could stay with them as long as he wanted . Ichiru had accepted , of course , for two reasons or better said two persons . Maria didn't support his decision though . She knew how his mind worked and what he wanted to achieve .

Zero wouldn't have wanted it then ?

How would you know ?

How can you be so sure ?

" Exactly . you said it yourself . Let me correct , however , Zero might have not wanted this . But I'm not Zero . " He stopped in the middle of buttoning up his coat and looked at her while saying that , determined and unwavering . He'd always been different from Zero , to the point that he sometimes wondered ' Am I really his twin ? '

" Ichiru , please . Would it change anything ? No . Zero's condition is not going to get any better even if you beat the living daylights out of Ichijo . Nothing can go back to the way it was . " Maria almost cried , reaching forward and cupping his face , pouring all of her concern in one intense gaze that seemed to weaken Ichiru's resolve .

Silence befell the room at that . Tension followed suit , filling the void it left in its wake .

He closed his eyes for a minute or so , breathing in and out , meditating on her soothing presence , deriving comfort and guidance from her .

".. At least it's going to extinguish this fire burning inside of me . " He reasoned .

Even though his eyes were still closed , Maria could only shake her head , as if telling him ' It's not . We both know that . '

" The law punishes a murderer even though it wouldn't bring the victim back to life . Do you know why ? Because everything should have a consequence , otherwise life would be nothing but a battlefield , a place full of chaos , a disaster waiting to happen . "

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	11. Chapter 11

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Kaname sensed Yuki's aura approaching him before she knocked on the door a few minutes later , asking for permission that he granted in a heartbeat .

He found himself letting go of the literature book he'd been engrossed in a while ago and shifting in his seat , instinctively giving her his full attention .

She walked inside , a near smile plastered on her face , and stopped by the entrance of the room , cell phone in right hand .

It looked like she'd just made or received a phone call , if the way she moved her hand up and down once was any indication .

True enough , she hummed for a second , as if she hadn't yet decided on what to say , then eventually spoke up , informing him " Ichiru will be here in about an hour . "

Kaname responded with a subtle nod , still gazing at her like nothing mattered more than she did . He couldn't understand why she took the time to tell him about that when he already knew . She'd asked him if it was okay to offer Ichiru a stay in the mansion so he could be there for his twin and Kaname had agreed , for her sake and maybe .. Just maybe his own guilt .

He wasn't exactly overjoyed to have two live-in guests for an indefinite period of time , but he acknowledged it had to be done , the reason why did not make much of a difference .

The fact Zero Kiryuu occupied a room in the Kuran manor was something he could not change or complain about , not even within the confines of his thoughts . It might be best to look at it as some sort of compensation for what he'd done a couple of years ago , he supposed .

" Kaname , I'm sorry . " Her voice , gentle and soft , took him away from that daze and brought him back to reality .

He blinked , feeling as if his mind had just disconnected hearing that .

He couldn't understand why she was apologizing , until he got the answer through her eyes .

For everything , for doubting you and voicing it too . It must have hurt , especially when you did the exact opposite of what I'd accused you of .

It was truly astounding how a simple gaze could have so much emotions and words stored in it .

It pained him to have Yuki , of all people , say that to him when in truth , he didn't deserve it .

You are going to take that back , Yuki .. The moment I find it in me to show this dark true nature of mine , to confess of my crimes , you would regret this apology .

But for now , I'll just let you believe - for as long as I can - the picture you have always had of me , no matter how fake .

I won't be cruel enough to give you more anguish than you already have to deal with , just to relieve this guilt .

There would only be one reason strong enough for me to expose such an ugly secret .. Protecting you .

Finding peace in such decision , Kaname let out a heavy breath , then with a smile , he stood up and reached forward , guiding her to follow him .She'd crouched down earlier , a way of meaning her words , as if saying them while standing felt too superior and contradicted what she'd wanted to achieve .

" Yuki , there's nothing to be sorry for . "

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When she was finally back in her room , Yuki allowed her mask to crumble .

She sagged down the wall and looked up , the white ceiling greeting her vision . If only she could have that bland color paint her head , free it of worries , soothe that ache residing so deep in her restless heart .

Too bad life had never been that easy , it wasn't meant to be so .

For a moment , all she could see was an infinite amount of green and red surrounding her . She couldn't tell if it was sunset or sunrise , because - oddly enough - it looked like both .

The tree she'd been leaning on swayed with the wind and spoke , no , sang .

Yuki's eyes came back to life when she realized the source of that melody . It wasn't the tree her imagination had conjured up , but her phone .

She answered the call with a swipe of her finger , lifted the cellphone , and held it up her ears .

" Yuki , I have just gone to the hospital to visit Zero but they told me he'd been discharged this morning . What happened ? Is he okay ? Are you with him ? Why didn't you say anything ? "

Yori's concerned tone made Yuki feel extremely bad she hadn't told anyone the news , besides Ichiru .

She could only sigh at that .

" Yori-chan .. I'm sorry .. I was too caught up in everything I didn't have the mind to inform you .. But yeah .. He's fine and with me , in the mansion . " At that point , she was truly starting to feel like a zombie , or a robot .. Or a doll.. She was that worn out . Even speaking over the phone felt too demanding . The fact she'd managed to speak with Kaname a while ago without breaking down was something she could admire . Nothing else made her feel satisfied .

" .. In the Kuran Mansion ? Why not his own house or yours ? " Yori inquired in a tone that implied she wanted to make sure she'd heard it right . Yuki couldn't blame her .

" Yea . It's true that I want and have to take care of Zero but I can't keep on running away from Kaname either .. For once , I'll do everything I can to be fair and if that means facing them at the same time , in the same place , then so be it . " Before she knew it , a surge of determination raced in her blood and whole being as she said that , surprising her with how intense it was . She wasn't complaining though . Whatever strength she could salvage , she was going to cling to .

Yori , detecting her best-friend's wistful vibe , could do nothing but offer unconditional support .

" Oh.. If .. If you want , would it be okay for me to come over tonight ? "

That had been the last straw .

Yuki froze in place , her features eventually trembling , as if everything in her has been waiting and begging for comfort . Her eyelids quivered and gaze faltered with the effort it took to hold back her voice .

She managed a nod but quickly realized Yori couldn't see it which forced a vocal response out of her .

" Please do . " Came the whisper . As alarming as that was , Yori couldn't dwell on what could have possibly happened to garner such despair from her friend . She was going to have to wait until they were face to face .

Yuki didn't remember much of what happened after she'd ended the call and dropped the phone to her lap . All she could think of was one thing .

She'd been trying to look composed and strong the whole time but truth was , she couldn't lie to herself anymore . She was fully aware of that , she'd realized it .. But she refused to admit that at the end of the day , she was still the same helpless little girl she'd always been ..

She'd felt the pang of having her hands tied when she was a human but at least back then , she had a plausible excuse , no matter how pathetic it was under the surface ..

For her to feel this way as a pureblood too .. Well , it completely devastated her .

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Ruka was this close to throwing her phone against the wall and watching as it crashes to million pieces .

It seriously didn't stop ringing ever since she woke up !

Muting it seemed like a perfect idea , temptation in itself . But she couldn't ignore those calls . It was her job after all . Which explained why , it's with a great deal of self control that she marched forward and made her way to that side table in living room where she left her phone charging atop .

After a deep breath , she flexed her muscles and answered the call " Yes ? "

" Senpai , I have some bad news to deliver . It's about The Bluethread bridal order . You know how I was supposed to go there and make sure it's well done .. " Her secretary , kyouya sato , trailed off uneasily .

" But ? " Ruka felt several veins popping in her head .

" But I'm deeply sorry for I won't be able to go . My fiancee is going to kill me if I don't show up for our date which turned out to be a celebration of our 5th anniversary . I totally forgot about it until she asked If I had free time Tomorrow . I checked the calendar by chance and that's when it dawned on me ."

The guy sounded both hopeful and anxious , to the point Ruka took pity on him and decided to be a nice flexible boss for once .

" Fine . " She said reluctantly . It's not like she had a choice . Kyouya had always worked hard , he earned a day off , even if not scheduled . It was a special occasion after all . The fact they'd gotten closer as time went by must have been why he could ask such thing of her , as if they were working together .

" Don't send me greasy thank yous . Just go before I change my mind . " Without giving him a chance to respond , she touched the end call option and smiled as she shook her head good naturedly until a charred smell reached her nose .

Eyebrows furrowed , she sniffed the air carefully , gasping when finally realized what she'd left on the stove , french fries .

She rushed her way back to the kitchen she'd abandoned a few minutes ago to answer the phone , cursing all the while .

Ruined .. The food was all ruined , burnt to coal black degree and most importantly , it had gone to waste . The kitchen smelt awful , much the same like how she felt . Everything screamed ' terrible . ' in big bold letters .

She turned off the stove and stilled , anger consuming her , soon turning into pure depression and bottled up emotions .

With a cry of frustration , she tossed the pan aside , its contents flying all over the wall , some landing on the floor too , messing the whole place . But she couldn't be bothered with that .

Why does everything have to go wrong ?

Fed up , she slumped against the counter and drowned in a fit of rage , kicking the table in front of her multiple times and slowly breaking down into tears , silently crying her eyes out .

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End file.
